give me direction

a release

This is what I wanted, so why isn't it what I'm wanting. I don't know whether I should feel happy for you, because I certainly am not feeling happy.

Perhaps I'm just being selfish, wanting but not willing to give. I guess I wasn't ready at the time. I had the desire but my heart was roaming elsewhere, trying to find comfort. You were my comfort, and I felt it, but could not understand it. It was too soon. The confusion brought me to irrational acts that were executed without thought, and this is what kills me now.

Life is an experience, and lessons are to be learnt... but I wonder, is the lesson ever going to finish? I hate this, and I've brought it on myself.

This entry may never be found, but if found, please understand. I just needed time, too much maybe, but I needed it. You were and are special to me, and I didn't want to attempt something that I knew I wasn't ready for, something you did not deserve. But it's too late now, so I thank you for all the beautiful memories we share.

I regret many things

if you find me, don't tell me.

sigh what the shit is happening

you bore me.